Paper 2 question 1
Welcome To Marco Island Academy!
Welcome to Marco Island Academy. As an incoming freshman, the first day of school can be scary and nerve racking, but here are hints and tips to help you get through your first week.
Here is some basic information that you will need to know for your first week:
Lunch Set Up:
Lunch is split into Lunch A and Lunch B. Lunch A starts after second block and Lunch B starts after third block. You will eat lunch on the roof top deck, which is located on the third floor. There are picnic tables with umbrellas scattered around, and a couple benches on the perimeter of the deck. On special occasions, if you ask Mrs. Koch (the assistant principal) or Ms. Scott (the principal) you can eat inside at the student lounge. The student lounge is above the front desk, next to Ms. Scott's office. There are a couple small tables and a couch, but you are only supposed to eat there if you are going to be working on some school work.
Snack Shack:
At MIA there isn’t a cafeteria, but there is a snack shack. Parents, and sometimes students, run the snack shack everyday. Majority of the items are a dollar or less. They sell chips, candy, instant ramen, Hot Pockets, and similar foods. If you have any allergies or food sensitivities, there isn’t much that you can eat from the snack shack and you should probably bring lunch from home.
On the lunch terries, there are always four microwaves available for students to heat their lunch up. Almost half of the students at lunch will use the microwaves, so make sure you get to them right as lunch starts unless you want to wait in a long line. Below the microwave, there are paper plates, silverware and paper towels for anyone who needs them.
Ordering Subway:
If you don’t feel like bringing lunch from home or buying lunch at the snack shack, you could always order lunch from Subway. A lot of students order Subway for lunch and before lunch starts, one of the parents running the snack shack that day will pick up all the orders and bring them to the school.
To order Subway, go to the Subway website, select the store on Barfied, and place your order for pick-up. Make sure you place your order before 10:00.
Commentary, minimum 200 words.
For my leaflet I chose to write about the different aspects of lunch that takes place at our school. Due to our lunch being significantly different from other schools, incoming freshmen should know how to manage their lunch. I choose not to add statistics about our school because if they are already coming here, then they will already know the class size, about our AICE programs, graduation rate and other information like that. Why re-explain the reason why they should come here, when they are already coming here.
My leaflet gives the incoming students advice on how to manage lunch during their first week of school. The leaflet is split up in two sections. The first section is a short introduction to the leaflet. The second section talks about the different aspects of lunch the new students wouldn’t necessarily know. There are three different subheadings talking about the different aspects of lunch.
I wrote the leaflet in second person so it talks directly to the reader. By speaking directly to the reader, the reader gets a sense that the writing was written just for them. Also the reader is more likely to listen to the advice they are reading when it is talking directly to them.
Section A Question 1(a)
ReplyDeleteYour piece was very informative but was not very effective when it comes to advice-giving. It just gives a rundown of the school rather than anything else. The advice was quite limited.
There did not really see any grammatical or spelling errors, only a very minor one: (everyday should change to every day). Your writing was very clear to read and understand.
Since this text is a leaflet, the form was supposed to include a title and subheading like you did. You kept the paragraphs relatively short to keep the readers’ attention. It helps organize and gives the audience an idea of what you are talking about.
You somewhat achieved the task. It was not as obvious as you described the school more rather than tips and tricks. When you start discussing how “Parents, and sometimes students, run the snack shack everyday. Majority of the items are a dollar or less. They sell chips, candy, instant ramen, Hot Pockets, and similar foods,” you head a little off-task as it is unnecessary information at the moment. Same thing with Subway; it was not necessary and you could have discussed something else.
Writing in the second-person perspective, as you did, was the best choice as it feels more conversation-like with the reader. The closer the narrator seems to the reader, the more likely the reader is to trust and believe them.
MARKS: 9/15
Section A Question 1(b)
I liked how you used casual language as the audience is a collection of incoming. Students. This makes the situation feel more relatable and makes the reader feel comfortable.
I really liked your take on giving advice about lunch given “our lunch being significantly different from other schools” because it is not something they are used to. However, I feel like it was slightly overdone and you could have combined paragraphs. This would have given you more space to write about another perspective.
MARKS: 7/10
AO2
ReplyDeleteDear Arlette,
The leaflet included clear expression and a strong flow of language, this is displayed by lexis such as “the perimeter of the desk”, you provide a very strong layout that allows readers to visualize themselves in the situation. And the level of language used is appropriate for the audience of the average highschool student. The only issue is the assumption that your audience is freshman high schoolers, when you should be writing to the ‘new student’, ranging from freshman to senior.
While there are several minor errors, none of which effect communication, and your points are still understandable. For example, “everyday. Majority of the”, while this does not impede communication, the sentence structure still doesn’t make sense.
All of your information is clearly and concisely organized, however it doesn’t fully cover your topic. The different topics are in proper form and organized by subheadings, however you described your leaflet as “basic information” but only covered our lunch schedule.
Throughout your leaflet you address the audience clearly, however you failed to make it engaging. While your frequent use of the second person narrative certainly helped, you failed to try and establish a connection between the reader and yourself. Overall I gave 5 marks.
AO3
There is clear analysis of how the writers stylistic choices relate to audience, she does this by covering everything that would be imperative or new to students entering the school. For example, “Due to our lunch being significantly different from other schools, incoming freshmen should know how to manage their lunch.” however, they author tends to get distracted from the point and focus’s too much on why they included certain points and information, rather than the form and language. There is absolutely no discussion of their lexical choices throughout, and there is no quotes from their leaflet. Due to this there is minimal analysis of form, structure, and language. I gave this 2 marks.
lol sorry Lexi I thought this was arlettes
DeleteHi Lexi, I really liked your blog.
ReplyDeleteAO2: For the AO2 score I gave you 8/15 marks. You didn’t give much advice to the students, and instead talked about lunch related things. You had good form and for the most part you were completely on task. You addressed your audience and for the most part there was a nice flow to your text.
AO3: For the AO3 score I gave you 4/10 marks. You definitely could have gone more into detail about your commentary. Your analysis was very limited in all parts. There wasn’t a lot about the form, structure or language.