Paper 1, Question 1 blog response.
Question 1 A
Last week, Jamaican runner Usain Bolt, won his first Olympic gold medal in the 100 meter dash. After the gunshot was fired, the racers took off. Bolt raced to the front but the Trinidad and Tobago sprinter, Richard Thompson was in the lane next to him leading by a couple feet.
As the race continued, Bolt kept an eye out for Thompson the whole time. Bolt started to extend his legs out as he was getting out of the drive phase. After several steps, he stumbles. Miraculously, Bolt was able to get his footing again and continued to keep on. “I could feel my momentum building, my longer stride taking me past Thompson, and once I’d cleared him, I could see the rest of the line.”
Bolt turned his head around to check the rest of the lane. Everyone was behind him. All of a sudden reality settled in and he realized that he was going to win the race. “I went totally wild even though I was still ten meters from the line. I threw my hands up in the air and acted all mad. I pounded my chest because I knew that nobody was going to catch me.”
Question 1 B
There are many differences between my newspaper report and the extract from the autobiography. Tone, structure, viewpoint, etc. One of the biggest differences, in my opinion, is the viewpoint and structure. My writing is in third person, while the extract is in first person. Also my writing only contains the information necessary so the rider gets the information needed right away. Unlike the extract, which explains everything that was happening in the race and has all the details that Bolt noticed while he was running. Everything from his thoughts to how many steps he took before he stumbled. While my writing only contains essential information from the extract, the reader gets a good understanding of what happened.
The overall structure of the extract from the autobiography is the opposite of how my writing is set up. The extract starts with an action word and then a short paragraph. As the extract continues on, it switches between what's going on and Bolt’s thoughts. It is very hard to write a newspaper article that is in a similar structure as the extract. It doesn’t fit the professional tone or set up that newspaper articles usually consist of. After switching between thoughts and what happened, it ends with a short paragraph about the last 10 meters and how he felt after he won.
In my writing, there are no action words or parts of Bolt’s thoughts, but there are quotes from the extract. Having action words or Bolt’s thoughts wouldn’t have fit into my writing and the category of a newspaper article. Newspaper articles contain several quotes, and a paragraph or two explaining the context and background of said quote.
To strengthen my writing I chose two different quotes. The first quote is “I could feel my momentum building, my longer stride taking me past Thompson, and once I’d cleared him, I could see the rest of the line.” I added this quote to my article because it shows the transition in the writing from the start of the race to the middle. It is a good transition quote. The second quote I used in my article was one of the last sentences in the extract. “I went totally wild even though I was still ten metres from the line. I threw my hands up in the air and acted all mad. I pounded my chest because I knew that nobody was going to catch me.” I used this quote because it is a good summary of the ending and it is Bolt's thoughts as he realized he was going to win the race.
AO1: You show a pretty good understanding of the text with how you said, ‘Last week, Jamaican runner Usain Bolt, won his first Olympic gold medal in the 100 meter dash.’ As that was able to give the audience an idea of what they wanted to know about. Your characteristic features of it work pretty good too when you said, ‘Miraculously, Bolt was able to get his footing again and continued to keep on’ as that word ‘miraculously’ works pretty good with that situation when he stumbled. L4 4 marks
ReplyDeleteAO2: You had an effective expression towards this as you stated, ‘reality settled in and he realized that he was going to win the race.’ was able to give an example of what you had, with you giving the audience this expression of them knowing that at this moment, Bolt was going to win. The content is used really well when you said, ‘As the race continued, Bolt kept an eye out for Thompson the whole time. Bolt started to extend his legs out as he was getting out of the drive phase.’ having the readers imagining this going on while reading it. L4 4 marks
B. AO1: Your understanding of the text is great as when you said, ‘Also my writing only contains the information necessary so the rider gets the information needed right away.’ Just check what you’re writing since you wrote ‘rider’ instead of ‘reader’ here. But you did do a good job on giving the reader some context of how your report was like. Then your characteristic features were pretty good because, when you said, ‘In my writing, there are no action words or parts of Bolt’s thoughts, but there are quotes from the extract.’ it shows how different your report was from the text as you didn’t use action words in it but instead used quotes in order to have the reader understand it. L3 3 marks
AO3: Your comparison between your report and the text is good as you stated, ‘The overall structure of the extract from the autobiography is the opposite of how my writing is set up’ gives the reader an idea of the differences between the structure of the two so good job on that. Then the comparison between yours and the writer’s choice of words is good as you said, ‘Unlike the extract, which explains everything that was happening in the race and has all the details that Bolt noticed while he was running. Everything from his thoughts to how many steps he took before he stumbled. While my writing only contains essential information from the extract, the reader gets a good understanding of what happened.’ proves that it shows the reader a good understanding of the race when it comes to explaining the race. Good job!
L4 8 marks
Question 1(a)
ReplyDeleteAO1- 4
AO2- 5
Hi Lexi!
Your score for the AO1 would be a 4. I thought the newspaper article you wrote was great. You clearly covered all of the events of the race and even used quotes from Bolt, which was excellent. I would recommend you add in a headline for your article, as it would clearly tell the reader what the article was going to be about. An example would be “Usain Bolt Takes Home the Gold in Olympic 100m Finals.” Also, it would be highly beneficial if you would add in what this race meant in the context of the event (he beat a world record holder who was also his teammate). Your score for the AO3 would be a 5. I did not see any grammatical errors and I was able to easily follow your entire article. I thought your article stayed focused on the topic throughout by using transitional phrases like, “As the race continued.” Also, the use of quotes to give an inside look at what you witnessed was very clever and added an interesting element to your article.
Question 1(b)
AO1- 4
AO3- 8
Your score for the AO1 would be a 4. You addressed several bullet points highlighted in the answer key, which shows your understanding of both texts and what important ideas need to be included. One of the points include how your article used only “essential information” and Bolt’s autobiography explains “everything.” It would be excellent if you added in more quotes. These could even be simple quotes like “Bang!” to enhance your point about the start of the autobiography. Your score for the AO3 would be an 8. You address many points in relation to the form, structure, and language of both texts. You had an even distribution of these three topics, which enhanced your writing. I especially liked how you addressed what a newspaper article should include when you said, “Newspaper articles contain several quotes, and a paragraph or two explaining the context…” This shows how the writing shapes meaning. I would like to see more on the audience impact. For example, you could address how the “professional tone” is relevant or what type of people will be reading the autobiography/article. (Are they fans, runners, or people who missed the race?) It would take your writing to the next level if you would take a bit more time on each bullet point. Your explanations are very in depth, so if you would apply this to all of your points, your writing would be extremely strong.
-Kathryn
Hello!
ReplyDeleteOn the Cambridge AO1 scale for question 1(a) I award you 1 mark and on the Cambridge AO2 scale for question 1(a) I award you 4 marks for the following reasons. The main reason for the two marks was due to your basic understanding of the text and characteristic features. This is a news article that is about spectating the 100m dash. You cannot quote from text that has not yet been released and does not exist at the point in time that the prompt gives. Such as when you said “‘i could feel my momentum building…’” and “i went totally…” The main points of the purpose of this question was to write and be able to comb through the autobiography and understand the difference in text you are allowed to use and text you are not. Just do not quote when writing from an in-person perspective. Next time just be more careful with the prompt and use of evidence or lack thereof. Also because the newspaper was supposed to be in a third person context, adding in first person quotes from the autobiography can be very confusing for a reader, especially since the evidence wasn't introduced from anywhere. This further limited your understanding of the text. Other than that you did outline the race in chronological order which was good structure and I could not find any grammatical errors.
On the Cambridge AO1 scale for question 1(b) I award you 1 mark for the following reasons. Again, adding in the quotes was an improper viewpoint for the newspaper. I can see where you're coming from as a strength but because it was first person you were mentioning his inner thoughts. The quote started with “i feel…” which is Usain saying his inner thoughts. Be careful with perspective in the text. Also you said “rider” and i think you meant “reader” so just double check your writing once finished. And while it is true that “Newspaper articles contain several quotes” This was supposed to be a review for the sports section from a personal perspective. The prompt does not entail that any quotes should be included. I still agree with your understanding of the text as basic.
On the Cambridge AO3 scale for question 1(b) I award you 3 marks for the following reasons. You did not mention much of a comparison in the features of Bolts writing. There wasn't much comparison and it was more of an explanation of what you wrote. While this is supposed to be included, it wasn't the main purpose of the question. I recommend labeling them as Text A and Text B so you make sure to include them in equal parts of each other for comparison.