Kiss, Kill, Marry; The Great Gatsby

 After finishing The Great Gatsby, we get a somewhat complete understanding of the main characters: Gatsby, Wilson, Tom, Daisy, Jordan, and Myrtle. Instead of writing a boring blog about who is the best character or who is the most flawed, we are going to have some fun with this. If I got to choose the topic of this blog it would have been smash or pass for the characters. Although smash or pass would be fun to write about, it would be fairly difficult to find evidence to back it up. But since it has to be school appropriate, instead of playing smash or pass, let's play Kiss, Kill, Marry!

First let's start with Tom. Without a question, I would kill Tom. Not only because of the way he acts or how he's cheating on Daisy, but because he is the one who told Wilson that Gatsby killed Myrtle. And with that information, Wilson went to Gatsby’s house and shot and killed him. Right off the bat, Tom seems like the self absorbed type just by the way he stands and is introduced in the beginning of the book. When Nick goes over to the Buchanans house, Tom greets him. Tom has “the appearance of always leaning aggressively forward” and says to Nick “I’ve got a nice place here”, which makes Tom seem like he is showing off and trying to make himself look better than he actually is. Also in the beginning, Tom comes across as racist. During the dinner party, Tom violently says “Civilization’s going to pieces”. Then he goes on to talk about a book called ‘The Rise of the Coloured Empires’, “if we don’t look out for the white race we will be --- will be utterly submerged. It’s all scientific stuff; it’s all been proved.” Tom supports the idea that people of different skin color are lesser than white people and the white race needs to be protected.  On top of all of Tom's issues and character flaws, he broke Myrtle's nose just because he got mad in an argument. And Myrtle was his side hoe whom Tom wanted to be with more than his own wife. Without a question or hesitation, I would kill Tom. 

Next on to Gatsby. With a bit of compilation, I would marry him. Gatsby is a complicated character; He lies about his past to seem more likely and more like a real billionaire, he's shy and surrounds himself with all sorts of people, in love with Daisy and is very passionate about her, and tries to impress Daisy. The lying about his past is understandable and I could get over that. Although being around lots of people and crowds is overwhelming to me, being married to someone who can throw magnificent parties would be a lot of fun. If I was married to Gastby, I would hope to replace Daisy and we would be happily married. Gatsby's way to try and win a girl over is by showing off and trying to impress her. When he was trying to impress Daisy, he had lots of flowers and plants sent over to Nick’s house. “The flowers were unnecessary, … a green-house arrived from Gatsby’s, with innumerable receptacles”. Gatsby also tries to look nice by dressing in “a white flannel suit, silver shirt, and gold-colored tie”. In my opinion, it's kind of cute how much Gastby is trying to impress Daisy and if it was me he was trying to impress, I would have easily fallen. Although falling for people quickly can be nice, it can also be problematic to be so into a person so quickly.  Also as someone who LOVES plants and flowers, I would have been in awe by all the flowers and be extremely happy. As we all know, in the end of the book Gatsby gets killed, but if I was married to him, I would inherit all of his riches. How sad can you be when you are left with a huge castle-like mansion and loads of money?

By process of elimination, that leaves Wilson as the person I would kiss. Personally, I don’t care much about Wilson, If anything I feel bad for him. The poor guy was cheated on and left alone most of the time by his wife and then watched his wife get killed. Due to her death, he gets mad and wants to avenge his wife so he goes to kill Gatsby. Then after killing Gatsby, he kills himself. Poor Wilson was so scared from seeing his wife murdered. To be fair if I saw my wife get hit by a car and then saw that “her left breast was swinging loose like a flap” and that her mouth was “wide open and ripped at the corners, as though she had choked at little in giving up the tremendous vitality she had stored so long.” Poor Wilson is in shock and just needs some TLC. I would probably just give him a side kiss on his cheek as a way to comfort him. 

Now onto the main female characters of the book. Personally, I think it would have been even more fun to write smash or pass for the main female characters because they all show off more personality and what they are like compared to the main male characters. 

Deciding who to kill out of those three is very difficult but I would kill Myrtle. I would kill Myrtle because of how she treats her husband. She treats Wilson as a lesser human and talks down to him. Also poor Wilson is so innocent and thinks that Myrtle is with her sisters on the weekends. When Myrtle comes downstairs and sees Tom and Nick, she ignores her husband and “wet her lips, and  without turning around spoke to her husband in a soft, coarse voice: “Get some chairs, why don’t you, so somebody can sit down”.’ Poor Wilson loves her and Myrtle is out here being Tom's side hoe. 

Similar to Wilson, I don’t care much for Jordan, but I would marry her over marrying Daisy.  Not only is Jordan athletic but she is often out and about. Jordan has been to several of Gatsby’s parties and seems like the type of person who would be fun to go partying with.  She also is partly Gatsby’s wing man since she convinces Nick to arrange a meeting with Daisy and then Gatsby would come over. I’ve never been a fan of golf but a professional golfer makes a lot of money. Jordan is a really good golfer and made it to the finals. Jordan is also one to remember small details about almost everyone she meets. At Gatsby’s party, she sees one of the girls she met a month ago. She remarks “ You’ve dyed your hair since then,”. By noticing small details about someone she has only met once, it shows how she actually notices things and cares. Another thing I love about Jordan is how smart and honest she is. One of my favorite things she says is “You said a bad driver was only safe until she met another bad driver? Well, I met another bad driver, didn’t I? I mean it was careless of me to make such a wrong guess. I thought you were rather an honest, straightforward person.”

Now last but not least is Daisy. Poor Daisy has been through a lot. Between having a cheating husband, marrying Tom instead of Gatsby because he Gatsby was poor, having a young daughter in a somewhat unloving household, and then dealing with Gatsby coming back into her life, poor Daisy is a big mess. If anything Daisy needs a break and to be independent, that's why, similar to Wilson, would give Daisy a kiss on the cheek as some encouragement. Daisy needs some good friends rather than a new spouse. Nick describes Daisy as “young and her artificial world was redolent of orchids and pleasant, cheerful snobbery and orchestras which set the rhythm of the year, summing up the sadness and suggestiveness of life in new tunes.” Nick is basically saying how her life is fake and how she's trying to cover up her sadness.  When Daisy had her child and found out it was a girl, she broke down crying; “I hope she’ll be a fool—that’s the best thing a girl can be in this world, a beautiful little fool.” If I had a chance to meet Daisy, I would try to be friends with her and try to help her figure out her life and become independent. 

Although none of these characters existed in real life, it is still fun to imagine what they would be like in real life. By playing a silly middle school game like Kiss, Kill, Marry, It brings the characters more to life and it's more entertaining to write about Kiss, Kill, Marry than character flaws or describing the setting of one of the parties. In summary, I would kiss Daisy and Wilson, kill Myrtle and Tom, and marry Gatsby and Jordan.